


the groupchat no one asked for

by spideyboy



Category: U2 (Band)
Genre: (mostly bono and edge), Adam is genderqueer bye, Alternate Universe - Crack, Bono Flirts With Everyone, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Larry is so done, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mild Sexual Content, Platonic Relationships, Swearing, alternative universe, innuendos, loads of innuendos., this is settled before bono meets ali and all that jazz ok thanks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:40:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26089573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spideyboy/pseuds/spideyboy
Summary: flannel shirt created the group(this is mostly crack and chatting and boys being boys- aka teasing, a lot of gayness and... flirting???? for some reason.)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	the groupchat no one asked for

**Author's Note:**

> hello everybody! i hope you're doing well. i started writing this a while ago (2016, i was still in college) and i decided to share it because it made me feel a little better about... well, everything that's been going on in the world (even if it is kind of a dumb piece of writing) so i hope this warms your heart too :D
> 
> flannel shirt: larry  
> the edge™ of glory: edge  
> mr macphisto: bono  
> adam who: adam

**flannel shirt** created the group **Y’all Dumbasses**.

 **flannel shirt** added **the edge™ of glory** and **mr macphisto**.

**flannel shirt** : howdy

 **the edge™ of glory** : wow u were not kidding when u said ud create a group

 **flannel shirt** : of coirse not edgfe i’m alkwaya 103% rught

 **flannel shirt** : even thytgh i hte this smsll keybiaed

 **the edge™ of glory** : how much time have u spent on trying to type howdy tho

 **flannel shirt** : sht the fck yp

 **the edge™ of glory** : whats wrong with ur u

 **the edge™ of glory** : wht u

 **the edge™ of glory** : ha ;-D

 **flannel shirt** : i haye u

 **the edge™ of glory** : oh thank GOD its working

 **the edge™ of glory** : and no u dont

 **the edge™ of glory** : where is bono tho

 **the edge™ of glory** : accordin to my phone™ hes seeing all of our messages

 **flannel shirt** : i din’t now prpbably jerkinh off pr somwthing

**mr macphisto** is typing…

**the edge™ of glory** : oH

 **mr macphisto** : good evening my dear friends how are you in this beautiful tuesday night

 **mr macphisto** : and wow larry i appreciate your ideas about what i’m doing tonight babe ;-)

 **mr macphisto** : although i’d much rather if you could do it for me

 **the edge™ of glory** : oh my god

 **flannel shirt** : dom’t ecen staet with yur shit bono

 **mr macphisto** : awwwww look at him!!! all embarrassed bc of meeee

 **mr macphisto** : ily bae <3

 **flannel shirt** : i don’t know whst ily means anf for spme reason i’m glad i dpn’t

 **mr macphisto** : whyyyyy i’m not doing anything

 **mr macphisto** : jeez larrybeans how could you think that about me :/

 **the edge™ of glory** : wait what the fuck larry why isnt adam here too

 **flannel shirt** : becayse you fuys you fckinh pieve of trash didn’t give mw his phone number

 **the edge™ of glory** : sigh Fine lemme put him here

**the edge™ of glory** added **adam who**.

**the edge™ of glory** : done

 **flannel shirt** : howdy adam :-)

 **mr macphisto** : yo

 **mr macphisto** : oi larry what the fuck why didnt u greet me like u did to adam im feeling betrayed ://

 **flannel shirt** : new phone who dis

 **the edge™ of glory** : guys,,,

 **adam who** : Hey guys!

 **mr macphisto** : hOW . how DARE YOU

 **the edge™ of glory** : hi adam

 **mr macphisto** : YOU PIECE OF SHIT IM GONNA END U

**flannel shirt** is typing...

**the edge™ of glory** : bono please

 **mr macphisto** : IM FEELIJG SO ATTACKED RN

 **adam who** : What is happening? Omg

**flannel shirt** is typing...

**the edge™ of glory** : oh my god larry if ur typing one of those texts of yours is2g

 **the edge™ of glory** : @ **adam who** idk bono and larry are arguing as always bc theyre a bunch of losers

 **mr macphisto** : BRING IT ON M8

 **mr macphisto** : IM NOT SCARED OF YOU

 **the edge™ of glory** : @ **adam** see

 **adam who** : @ **the edge™ of glory** oh I see, in which case I should get some popcorn

 **the edge™ of glory** : adAM

**flannel shirt** is typing...

**mr macphisto** : COME ON LARRY

 **the edge™ of glory** : bono

 **mr macphisto** : dont “bono” me dave evans or im gonna fight u too

 **the edge™ of glory** : dont u fucking call me by my whole name what the fuck paul

 **adam who** : *Eats popcorn*

 **the edge™ of glory** : did he stop typing

 **adam who** : He did

 **mr macphisto** : he must be breathing slowly to calm down that dork

 **mr macphisto** : hee hee hee >:-)

**flannel shirt** is typing...

**flannel shirt** : i ahte you

 **the edge™ of glory** : oh my god

 **the edge™ of glory** : oh my gOD

 **the edge™ of glory** : LARRY

 **flannel shirt** : jeez ypu really tgoutgh i was gonna wrtie the fjckin bible right

**mr macphisto** left the group.

**the edge™ of glory** : LMAO

 **flannel shirt** : wow i din’t tjnik he was gpnna react liek that

 **flannel shirt** : if i Kneq it wpuld be that easu

 **the edge™ of glory** : will he ever come back

 **flannel shirt** : don’t knoe don’t care

 **adam who** : Wow

 **adam who** : That was a really intense plot twist

 **the edge™ of glory** : dude are you still eating popcorn

 **adam who** : Of course Edge, want some?

 **the edge™ of glory** : i do thanks adam

 **adam who** : You’re welcome

 **adam who** : Hey should we have another reunion soon?

 **flannel shirt** : wow adsm we’re ob internrt not weitinh any essays cakm dpwn dude

 **adam who** : @ **flannel shirt** at least people understand properly what I’m typing

 **the edge™ of glory** : OUCH

 **flannel shirt** : SHIT ADAJM

 **adam who** : Sorry, was that rude??

 **adam who** : I’m sorry

 **flannel shirt** : HWLL YES

 **the edge™ of glory** : not enough

 **the edge™ of glory** : finish him

**adam who** added **mr macphisto**.

**mr macphisto** : i hate all of you except for adam

 **flannel shirt** : wow hellp for you too

 **the edge™ of glory** : hellp

 **mr macphisto** : hellp

 **flannel shirt** : what

 **the edge™ of glory** : a help from hell huh ;-)

 **mr macphisto** : i can hellp you all you want ;;;;;^)

 **the edge™ of glory** : what even is that face

 **mr macphisto** : its my seductive face to yall ok ;;;;^)

 **the edge™ of glory** : bono

 **mr macphisto** : mmmmmmmmm ;;;;;;;;;;^)

 **the edge™ of glory** : bono please stop

 **flannel shirt** : honestly bonp what the fucj

 **mr macphisto** : will you ever get to write things right or nah

 **flannel shirt** : i’ll grt iy right with ypur num

 **mr macphisto** : my num

 **the edge™ of glory** : my nun

 **flannel shirt** : i gibe up

* * *

**mr macphisto** : hey we should rename our group what do ya think

 **the edge™ of glory** : yeah of course

 **adam who** : Yes, I think we’re not dumbasses

 **mr macphisto** : just larry but he doesnt count

 **flannel shirt** : i dpnt’ lnow maybe the Gays

 **the edge™ of glory** : why tho ur the only str8 here

 **flannel shirt** : what????///

 **mr macphisto** : the clash kids

 **flannel shirt** : what

 **flannel shirt** : wait

 **flannel shirt** : ni

 **flannel shirt** : i mean mo

 **flannel shirt** : NO

 **the edge™ of glory** : the clash kids is kinda weird

**mr macphisto** changed the name of the group to **the Clash Kidz™**.

**adam who** : Why is “kids” misspelled

 **mr macphisto** : aesthetics, dear adam

 **the edge™ of glory** : well i guess we’re the clash kidz now

 **flannel shirt** : ................................

 **mr macphisto** : shut up larry

 **the edge™ of glory** : shut up larry

 **flannel shirt** : thid is cuberbulling uou sent it at thw same time

 **adam who** : Btw, is the next rehearsal gonna be in my place again?

 **mr macphisto** : better than mine lmao

 **flannel shirt** : its xool adamn

 **the edge™ of glory** : adamn

 **mr macphisto** : adamn

 **mr macphisto** : mmmmmmmmm

 **mr macphisto** : mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

 **the edge™ of glory** : mmmmmmmmmmmm

 **mr macphisto** : mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

 **flannel shirt** : shut the fucj up you two

 **the edge™ of glory** : anyways adam of course

 **the edge™ of glory** : if you can’t it could be in my house then

 **adam who** : Great! I talked to my mom already, she said no problem :D

 **mr macphisto** : YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

 **flannel shirt** : will wr play at adam’s tgen

 **mr macphisto** : YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

 **mr macphisto** : YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH

 **the edge™ of glory** : yeah but be warned i wont be your slave again bc of your big ass drums

 **the edge™ of glory** : its bonos turn to help u

 **flannel shirt** : i feek attacjed

 **mr macphisto** : u know larry i wouldnt mind such position

 **mr macphisto** : if u know what i mean ;)))

 **the edge™ of glory** : oh my god please no

 **the edge™ of glory** : not again

**mr macphisto** changed the subject to **Barry Power Couple OTP™**.

**the edge™ of glory** : what the fuck

**flannel shirt** left the group.

**the edge™ of glory** : BONO

 **adam who** : Barry is my cousin’s name

 **mr macphisto** : why has larry left

 **mr macphisto** : i was gonna tell him i’ve decided the names of our children

 **mr macphisto** : barry

 **mr macphisto** : billy

 **mr macphisto** : and

 **the edge™ of glory** : lemme guess

 **the edge™ of glory** : bono jr

 **mr macphisto** : AND NAPOLEON

 **the edge™ of glory** : why am i laughing so hard at this

 **mr macphisto** : When Will My Husband Return From War

**mr macphisto** changed the subject to **Church Group™**.

**mr macphisto** added **flannel shirt**.

**mr macphisto** : Welcome to the Church Chat Group™, brother! We only talk about the Bible™ and how oral sex is Wrong and A Sin™

 **flannel shirt** : i hate you

 **mr macphisto** : Larry my dear friend, we don’t allow hate Unless You Are A Homo because obviously We’re Not Homos

 **the edge™ of glory** : oh my god

 **mr macphisto** : exactly the Edge

 **adam who** : Y’all blowing up my phone

 **the edge™ of glory** : “y’all”

 **the edge™ of glory** : are u from texas

 **adam who** : What

**flannel shirt** left the group.

**mr macphisto** : what a fucking dr ama quee n

* * *

**the edge™ of glory** added **flannel shirt**.

**the edge™ of glory** : welcome back larry

 **flannel shirt** : whatever

 **the edge™ of glory** : wow no typos this time huh

 **flannel shirt** : fuck tou

 **the edge™ of glory** : forget it

 **the edge™ of glory** : where is everyone tho

**the edge™ of glory** : this group is too quiet

**mr macphisto** : oi edge where r u

 **the edge™ of glory** : im in the library trying to understand biology

 **the edge™ of glory** : why

 **mr macphisto** : i’m bored i’m gonna meet ya

 **the edge™ of glory** : k

**the edge™ of glory** : dear diary today bono entered the schools library on a skateboard and almost knocked mrs robinson out

 **flannel shirt** : SHIT THAT;S SICK AS FUVK

 **flannel shirt** : DID ANYONW RECOTD IT

 **flannel shirt** : WHY DIDNT YOU GUYS CSLLED MR OR ADAM

 **adam who** : I’m home, I couldn’t have gone anyway )-:

 **mr macphisto** : actually she didn’t leave when i told her so that’s why she almost tripped on her own foot or something

 **the edge™ of glory** : dude you made her almost break her wrist

 **mr macphisto** : whatever same thing

* * *

**private conversation**

**the edge™ of glory** : hey

 **the edge™ of glory** : how did ur dad react when the principal called him

 **mr macphisto** : welp

 **mr macphisto** : he yelled at me

 **mr macphisto** : a bit more than he usually does but it’s a-okay

 **the edge™ of glory** : ://

 **the edge™ of glory** : i wish i could do something

 **mr macphisto** : you can’t, edge

 **mr macphisto** : and it’s okay

 **mr macphisto** : no one can

 **the edge™ of glory** : ):

 **the edge™ of glory** : you know that if you need a place to stay you can stay here right?

 **mr macphisto** : i know

 **mr macphisto** : thank you

 **the edge™ of glory** : <3

* * *

**adam who** : Hey

 **adam who** : Is anyone here?

 **the edge™ of glory** : half of me bc the other half is still trying to understand biology

 **adam who** : I think we should rename the group to our band’s name

 **the edge™ of glory** : thats actually a great idea adam

**the edge™ of glory** changed the subject to **U2 :^)**.

**adam who** : Is everyone ok with it?

 **the edge™ of glory** : adam bono literally changed the name to Barry Power Couple or whatever

 **the edge™ of glory** : they dont care im sure about this

 **adam who** : Okay then

**mr macphisto** : why didn’t you put The Gays tho

 **the edge™ of glory** : bono its literally 2 in the morning what are u doing

 **mr macphisto** : i can ask you the same dear The Edge

 **the edge™ of glory** : fucking biology dude, fucking anxiety

 **mr macphisto** : shit are you ok?

 **the edge™ of glory** : im fine

 **the edge™ of glory** : tired but cant sleep

 **the edge™ of glory** : i think thats what too much coffee does to you right

 **mr macphisto** : what a loser omg

 **the edge™ of glory** : hEY

 **mr macphisto** : sigh go to sleep edge you deserve to rest and biology can wait

 **the edge™ of glory** : if i get an e bc i fell asleep is2g im gonna Kill You

 **mr macphisto** : yeah yeah thank me later

* * *

**private conversation**

**the edge™ of glory** : why are u still awake

 **mr macphisto** : i am fire

 **mr macphisto** : i am death

 **the edge™ of glory** : bono im serious

 **mr macphisto** : so why are you laughing

 **the edge™ of glory** : how can you possibly know wtf

 **mr macphisto** : bc i’m outside looking at you through the window

 **the edge™ of glory** : dont fuck with me

 **mr macphisto** : come on i’m here for real

 **mr macphisto** : come on

 **mr macphisto** : look through the window

* * *

**flannel shirt** : morning you lazy fuckers

 **flannel shirt** : and hey The Gays was way better

 **adam who** : Good morning Larry

 **adam who** : Why?? :O

 **flannel shirt** : bc yeah????

**the edge™ of glory** : what are u doing its saturday and its 7 and a half in the fucking morning

 **flannel shirt** : I’m Fitness™

 **the edge™ of glory** : hey are you typing correctly now

 **flannel shirt** : well yeah i’m not a dumvass i just needed time because i have big ass fingwrs

 **the edge™ of glory** : huh

 **the edge™ of glory** : and hey why The Gays tho

 **the edge™ of glory** : ur literally the only str8 here

 **flannel shirt** : what

 **flannel shirt** : wAIT WHAT

 **the edge™ of glory** : well yeah

 **the edge™ of glory** : bono and i are bi, adam is pan

 **adam who** : Actually guys

 **adam who** : I have something to tell you

 **the edge™ of glory** : [justin bieber’s voice] what do you mean

 **adam who** : I’m genderqueer

 **the edge™ of glory** : oh

 **the edge™ of glory** : do you want us to call you by other pronouns or something

 **flannel shirt** : what the hell is a genderqueer

 **the edge™ of glory** : oi dont be rude larry

 **adam who** : Genderqueer means I’m trans, like I don’t identify neither as a boy or a girl, but as genderqueer, a whole other thing

 **the edge™ of glory** : and dont be fucking rude to adam larry ffs im gonna fight u

 **flannel shirt** : ... right

 **flannel shirt** : adam i’ve never heard about it

 **flannel shirt** : but if that’s how you identify yourself i understand and will respect you

 **adam who** : Thank you <3

 **the edge™ of glory** : do u wanna go by other name

 **adam who** : I like Adam to be honest

 **adam who** : Can you refer to me as they/them? Just to see how it feels like

 **the edge™ of glory** : of course

 **flannel shirt** : didn’t know you could call people by “they”

 **flannel shirt** : but yeah adam no problem

 **adam who** : I believe it’s not gonna be so hard

 **adam who** : We use they to refer to people we don’t know all the time so…

 **flannel shirt** : ... youre right

 **flannel shirt** : just correct me if i do it wrong

 **adam who** : Thank you, it’s really important to me :-)))

 **the edge™ of glory** : we know, we're ur frens adam

 **the edge™ of glory** : we'd never call u by sth u dont like

 **mr macphisto** : YO BITCHES

 **mr macphisto** : adam i’m proud of you my queer baby

 **adam who** : Thank you <3

 **flannel shirt** : where have you been fucker

 **mr macphisto** : awww he missed me!!! <3

 **mr macphisto** : yeah im sad i missed the Moment too,

 **flannel shirt** : just answer me already

 **mr macphisto** : r00d

 **adam who** : Larry why do you want to know so badly?

 **the edge™ of glory** : OH

 **flannel shirt** : cause bono and edge are always keeping secrets from us

 **mr macphisto** : oh yeah larry edge is my secret lover im sorry i still love you tho ;-)

 **the edge™ of glory** : hEY I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS

**flannel shirt** left the group.

**the edge™ of glory** : oh my god

 **mr macphisto** : i’m telling ya he’s a fucking drama queen

**the edge™ of glory** added **flannel shirt**.

**the edge™ of glory** : please stop doing that thanks

 **flannel shirt** : whatever

 **adam who** : Or else Edge and I will have to make rules

 **mr macphisto** : or what

 **the edge™ of glory** : ... what

 **mr macphisto** : will you punish me

 **flannel shirt** : dont

 **the edge™ of glory** : no really i mean it what are you talking about

 **the edge™ of glory** : literally either you stop or apparently adam and i will make rules bc u KIDS cant GET ALONG

 **mr macphisto** : but then will you punish me

 **mr macphisto** : for being a naughty boy

 **mr macphisto** : daddy

 **flannel shirt** : NO

 **the edge™ of glory** : it’s way too early for this shit

 **the edge™ of glory** : i will from now on ignore the group

 **the edge™ of glory** : byyyyye

 **mr macphisto** : no you wont

 **mr macphisto** : bc u love us but mostly me ! :D

 **the edge™ of glory** : ✓✓ Seen 9:02

 **mr macphisto** : D:

 **adam who** : Okay so the rules are

 **adam who** : Bono: stop teasing everyone but mostly Larry

 **flannel shirt** : thanks you .

 **mr macphisto** : this is a personal attack!!!!

 **mr macphisto** : im being attacked for bringing new ideas

 **adam who** : You can still flirt all you want though just don’t tease Larry

 **mr macphisto** : i came here to have a good time and i’m honestly feeling so attacked right now

 **adam who** : Larry: stop listening to whatever Bono is saying

 **the edge™ of glory** : lmao thats the hardest one

 **adam who** : Edge!!!! You’re not helping!!!!!

**flannel shirt** left the group.

**the edge™ of glory** : hopefully there will be peace now

**mr macphisto** added **flannel shirt** to the group.

**the edge™ of glory** : i said it too early

 **mr macphisto** : babe i love you please come home

 **mr macphisto** : i will cook you dinner i will massage your feet i;ll do whatever you want

 **flannel shirt** : shut up

 **flannel shirt** : wait whatever i want right

 **mr macphisto** : yes!!!!!@ whatever you Want!!!!!!!!!!!

 **the edge™ of glory** : where is this going.................

 **flannel shirt** : you’ll bring my drums today then

 **mr macphisto** : WAIT NO

 **mr macphisto** : NO

 **mr macphisto** : NOOOO

 **adam who** : Wow that was smooth

 **the edge™ of glory** : well that escalated quickly

 **mr macphisto** : I TAKE BACK WHAT I SAID

 **flannel shirt** : ohhh no no no

 **flannel shirt** : its too late now for that

 **the edge™ of glory** : rekt

 **flannel shirt** : dont be late b :) xx

 **mr macphisto** : D:

**Author's Note:**

> yes adam is genderqueer in this one because i Said So and bono and edge really slept together that night although i dont think nothing huge happened (unless you want to)
> 
> thank you for reading! kudos and comments are very appreciated! :D


End file.
